Saturday, September 29, 2007

Antonio Villas Boas




When I was fourteen, there were two things I’d seen in magazines that I was dying to see in real life – a UFO and a naked lady. Not necessarily in that order.

With that in mind, the strange tale of Antonio Villas Boas became my ultimate fantasy.

Villas Boas was a Brazilian farmer who had what might be called a close encounter of the erotic kind. One summer night back in 1957, he was out ploughing his fields, trying to avoid the heat, when he noticed a strange red light in the sky. As it descended, he saw that it was a metallic egg-shaped spacecraft. It sprouted legs like a spider, then touched down in his field.

Terrified, Villas Boas tried to flee, but his tractor stalled. A few seconds later, he was seized by a small alien about the size of 12-year old boy. The alien wore a shiny helmet and had intense blue eyes. Helpless to resist, Villas Boas was brought aboard the craft. The alien then stripped the farmer of his clothes, and gave him a physical. This involved spreading a gel on his skin, poking and prodding him with strange instruments, then extracting blood from his chin. Throughout the exam, the alien made high-pitched barking sounds, like a puppy.

Villas Boas, still naked, was then put inside a room, whose sole piece of furniture was a cushioned examining table.

A half hour passed, then in came a second alien. The same height as the other, this one was obviously female. She was naked, with very fair skin, long silky blonde hair and wide-set feline blue eyes. Her breasts were large and round, and her pubic hair was bright red.

Without a word, she came to Villas Boas and began to stroke and caress him. She nuzzled and nipped softly at his ear. One thing led to another, and the pair forged an intergalactic union right there on the examining table. Villas Boas would later say that he had never felt so aroused in his life.

When they were done, the she-alien stood up, rubbed her belly and pointed to the sky. The message was clear. Villas Boas was to be the proud papa of a space baby.

Having performed his stud service, he was hastily dressed and escorted from the craft by the little barking alien. The craft then zoomed off into the sky.

That story was in one of my UFO Digest magazines, and I must’ve read it over a hundred times, mentally projecting myself into Villas Boas’s lucky shoes.

Not only would I get to see a UFO and a naked lady, but I’d get to have sex too. My two wishes granted, with an unfathomable bonus. I decided the cat-eyed alien girl was the perfect match for me. She was my height, she didn’t talk, and she was completely naked and ready to have sex. Unlike with the girls in my middle school, I wouldn’t have to stammer through the whole ordeal of asking her if she wanted to go to the movies or to play miniature golf. I wouldn’t have to meet her parents. I wouldn’t have to worry about what to wear. I wouldn’t have to figure out a place to take her to make out. And best, I wouldn’t have to face the impossible task of buying condoms at the drug store.

I could gladly skip the exam part, but maybe that was a necessary prelude to the sex. As for being a father at fourteen, admittedly, that would’ve been kind of weird. But then again, my offspring would be half-alien, like Mr. Spock. That would mean that he would possess all kinds of cool superpowers and advanced knowledge, which upon his return to earth someday in the future, he would share with me.

As far as I know, Antonio Villas Boas never heard from his space child or the cat-eyed vixen.